I want to help

Going through this process of healing has certainly been a roller coaster. There have been some ups and significantly more downs and I’m sure there will be a lot more of both still. As difficult as the down times have been, I have emerged from every one of them stronger than before. This is where I find my strength to help others.

I understand, beyond a doubt just how hopeless it feels when you are going through this hell. You feel isolated, misunderstood, helpless and hopeless. You feel as though no one can help. Either because no one understands or you don’t have the strength to tell anyone just how damaged and hurt you feel. I know, I understand and I can help others see that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.

I see myself as an advocate. I want to be an advocate for survivors. To be a voice for them when they can’t use theirs. I also want to help them find their voice when they are ready to. I also want to advocate for Faith. To be a voice of reason when anger takes over reasoning. When the hurt is too much to bear and the Church is the source of that hurt, I want to help people see that their Faith remains regardless. Show them that they can accept faith back on their terms. Help them see that their road to a healthy mind, to recovery can be made smoother through their Faith.

I want to tell my story of perseverance through struggle to groups. I want to field questions and have honest conversations with victims and their loved ones. I want to have similar conversations with groups and individuals who have lost their trust in the Church, in religion and in God. Additionally, I want to have those same honest conversations with the Church.

I want to help to hold the Church to the highest standards of conservatorship. The parishioners all over the world deserve nothing less. I want to help rebuild the trust in the Church in the only way possible, over time and through complete transparency. I want to help advise the Church. I want them to hear my experience and know that I think the Church could have handled my situation better and in turn learn ways to better support survivors and their families. I want to help the Church to understand that just because there may be legal complications due to lawsuits etc that it still bears a responsibility to help the victims deal with the confusion and betrayal of their Faith in the overall process.

Ultimately I want to use my voice, my platform to first and foremost protect and support survivors and their families. Secondly, I see a fantastic opportunity for me to be a part of the healing of the Church also. Faith is such a big part of life and how to work through the trials and tribulations that life brings. It made things more difficult for me not having my Faith to guide me at first. I want to work to prevent other survivors from having to go through.

I am determined to use my voice that was silenced so long ago and for so long. Writing for this blog is the first step, finding the right situation to do the most good is next. Writing is healing, One Love.