Dating an understanding soul

I’ve never given up on dating. I am a hopeless romantic so no matter how frustrating it got or how many times I wondered if I would ever meet “her” I never gave up hope.

A big part of my recovery had to do with dating as a secondary focus. I had been in relationships in the past and I had failed at them all for one reason or another. I’m certainly not suggesting that I was the only reason for these failures, the person I was with also holds responsibility. Their responsibility, however, has no impact on me because I can only control myself.

When I began to really work at my therapy with the intention of eventually being able to live a happier and more peaceful life, I knew that the focus had to be only on me. Only on my overall shortcomings in general because once I took control of my emotions and my life, I would also be preparing myself for the right woman to enter my life.

There were times that I thought about the idea that she would arrive at the wrong time, when I wasn’t ready for her. When I wasn’t ready to be the person that she would deserve for me to be. That anxiety was not at all helpful in my recovery and so I developed a way to set aside my concerns about her arriving before I was ready.

I realized that as long as I was working consistently towards my goals and kept moving forward that anyone who showed up before I was ready wasn’t “her” any way. I kept my head down, put in the work and slowly but consistently, I got better. I got better at controlling my emotions. I got better with my anxiety as it has completely disappeared. I started to realize that the peace I sought was actually within me. I found that the peace within me became stronger and stronger all the time. That peace, as it turned out, was one of the most important milestones of my recovery.

Not only was my life more peaceful than it had ever been, but when I was presented a challenge as a test when I was fired from my job unexpectedly, I found out just how far I had come in my recovery. I handled the stress and shock of the situation better than I could have hoped .

My next indication that I had come further than I knew was when suddenly and randomly, “she’ showed up. I spent a lot of the last few years meditating. I should probably say that I spent that time learning how to meditate. As time went on and meditation became a bigger part of my life, I began to understand the process of manifestation.

Manifestation really boils down to the simple concept of speaking your desires into existence. Think about what you want in a job or a home or anything. Think about every single detail of it. Think about every step it will take to achieve the goal, leave no detail out. Create, in your mind, that you already have the goal, that it belongs to you. Manifestation.

I started dabbling in manifestation with small things like weight lifting goals at the gym or my desire to be better organized in my daily life. Eventually I moved on to bigger topics like a job and then I faced the prospect of manifesting my soulmate.

I believe that manifestation is real, I have lived it myself several times. I also believe, and maybe this is my superstitious nature more than anything, that it is a powerful tool to posses and should not be used for trivial things.

In my opinion, manifesting something like someone’s looks would be trivial. To manifest important personality traits in a person, however, would be the opposite of trivial, so I set out to understand what is most important to me in a partner.

Once I knew what would be most important in order for us to have a strong, healthy relationship, I set to manifesting those things in “her”.

Honesty, emotional intelligence, calm demeanor, good, positive energy, good conversationalist and someone who will challenge and support me.

These were the top traits I identified and they are the things that I hoped I would find in a partner and I hoped that I could find at least half of them in her, I would consider myself fortunate.

Not long after I unexpectedly lost my job as I was attempting to understand how I might pay my bills and as I began the long and tedious task of looking for another job, my soulmate arrived.

When things got hard for me on July 7, 2023 and I felt the tight squeeze of anxiety trying to take over my life again, every single thing that I manifested in a partner showed up in the form of the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever met.

As we started to get to know one another I began to see these traits in her. At first I felt like maybe I was blinded by her beauty and was seeing things in her that maybe weren’t necessarily there. I quickly found out that she was indeed the real deal.

The first time we met, we talked so long that the bar closed around us and we were asked to leave so that the staff could go home. Deep, meaningful and impactful conversations are a constant with her and I can’t adequately explain what that means to me. As much as we talk about real things we also laugh together more than I have with anyone else. I can’t stress how important that has been not only for my psyche but also for the development of our relationship. We both realize just how serious life is and how important keeping things lite is.

I started writing this post in early August 2023 when our relationship was still so new and we were still navigating the waters of getting to know one another. Even though it was still so early, I knew. I had no doubt that she was who I was waiting for, hoping for. It’s now December 31 and as we prepare to start a new year together, our love has flourished and we are planning our future.

In the grand scheme of things we are still very young in our relationship. But when it’s right, like this is, the time doesn’t matter. Whether we’ve been together 4 months, 4 years or 4 decades we have established the foundation for the rest of our lives. The trust we have is pure and real and there are no hidden agendas. I want her to be strong and secure in herself as an individual and for our relationship to support that and be a source of strength that allows her to live her best life. I want the same thing for myself, so does she.

Relationships take constant work and I don’t think I necessarily understood that in the past. The work won’t always be hard, but sometimes it will be. Getting through those times together makes the relationship stronger and more full of love and they empower us as people to be the best version of ourselves.

The support and love I feel from her today is better and stronger every day. We understand each other as we are today and we also understand each other’s past and how those experiences helped us become the people we are deeply in love with today. This woman is now my future and I feel fortunate and somewhat vindicated by having so much love and peace in my life now. She brings out the best version of me and I will make sure that she feels nothing but love and support in us from me for the rest of her life. Peace, love and security…

Thank you for reading, writing is healing. One Love.